Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light – Brené Brown
I hope you had a chance to read my last article, “Choosing Yourself: How Awareness Changes the Choices You Make” where I shared a recent transformative experience. With greater awareness, we begin making different choices—and with that, we start unlearning an old identity.
An identity is not who we truly are; it’s who we learned to become in order to feel safe, loved, accepted, or worthy. And sometimes, growth asks us to let go of the very version of ourselves that once protected us.
That’s why this process often comes with grief, especially when that identity has been imprinted within us for years. It can feel uncomfortable and bring many emotions to the surface, so here I’m sharing what helped me move through it and restore my balance. I hope my experience brings some light to you during challenging times.
Clear out
There may be an urge to get rid of old things—things connected to your old self. I regularly clear out my space, but this time the urge felt greater. Clothes you haven’t worn for years may be ready to go. Items that have been filling your space without purpose may need to make room for something new to enter your life. Keep memories that may matter to future generations. Imagine you had to move tomorrow and could only take three boxes with you. What would you choose? That’s what truly matters.
Move your body
For me, this looked like yoga and walking—lots of walking in nature. What I went through was mentally challenging. At times, I felt as though I was at a breaking point and had no energy for anything beyond simply surviving. But moving my body has always been my safe space, so I chose to move.
What works for one person may not work for another. In difficult times, some people decide to do hard things and exhaust their bodies with physical activities trying to ‘escape’ their thoughts, while others, choose to slow down and move gently. I was one of the latter.
Sit with your emotions
The natural response is to stay busy and distract yourself. Sitting with difficult emotions feels unfamiliar and uncomfortable, and it often requires far more courage than mindlessly scrolling. One path helps you heal; the other prolongs the pain.
There is usually fear beneath the emotions. Practice sitting with it and ask yourself: Is what I fear true, or is it simply a projection of the past? More often than not, it is the latter.
Boundaries: choose how to spend your energy
This is time to go within and ignore the noise. Listen to what truly serves you. Turn off your notifications. Let your loved ones know you need space. This is not a time to help others but to take care of yourself. Right now, you are the priority.
Reach out for help
Talk to someone who gets it. These humans bring light to the unconscious, to what may not yet be obvious to you. And you can change only what you can see. We’re not separate. Allow yourself to be heard, held and seen. Be vulnerable and talk about your struggles. A shared burden becomes lighter.
Take acton and wait or wait until is time to take action
Patience is your greatest ally. In moments of discomfort we want everything to be over as quickly as possible because we don’t want to feel the pain. It’s uneasy and difficult. At times you may feel alone and cornered. And in these moments all you need is love. Remember: this shall too pass. You’ve got this. Arm yourself with patience and be kind to yourself.
Listen to your intuition
Get quiet enough to hear the voice deep within you. You’re safe. There’s nothing to fear. Everything will fall into its place in ways you could never have imagined. You’re not separate and you’re held. Tap into that energy.
Deeper level of peace
Nothing, absolutely nothing, can be different from the way it is right now. This is liberating and powerful realisation. We live with the illusion that if hold on tighter, we will have more control. But we never have control. Control is an illusion. We resist and want life to go a certain way so we feel at peace but what if you feel at peace trusting that life is guiding you towards what is truly meant for you? Surrender. Breathe. Allow life to guide you.
Be kind to yourself
Unlearning an old identity brings you closer to your authentic self. As you navigate your way back, treat yourself with love and kindness. You’re becoming a version of yourself that you may have forgotten long ago and there’s no map for the journey.
Life is a teacher. And although it can sometimes feel unbearably difficult, challenges are often the most rewarding part of life. You’re never given something you can’t get through. Simply choose to keep going.
Which identity are you ready to let go of?
Are you curious to discover what’s waiting for you on the other side?
