Our life is a combination of the choices we make each day. Where we are in life, how we feel, how we look, what we have or don’t have – it is all the result of the choices we’ve made.
We often say that we don’t have a choice but we always do. What we choose is always in service of our soul’s evolution. We make the best choice we can with the level of awareness we have at the time. Whatever the choice, it is the right one. There’s no such thing as a wrong choice.
In the past week or so, I became aware of a choice, I made some time ago – one that felt right at the time. It was aligned with who I was then. I had no awareness of the conditions and beliefs I had picked as a child so I did my best. Now, a few years later, life gave me an opportunity to revisit that choice. As it often does, it began with discomfort and strong emotions. Inner peace was replaced by tension in my body and many tears. It hasn’t been easy, but with more light shed on my soul’s constrains, I was able to see my choice through new eyes.
It is safe to say that I had a big aha moment. The clarity put a spotlight on my childhood wounds – the ones that led me to choose others over myself. I had taken on a weight that grew heavier with each passing year. Yet instead of putting it down, I clenched my teeth and pushed through, giving more and more of my energy and time, selflessly overgiving without boundaries. Why? Because I was so well-disciplined and conditioned to be a “good girl”.
The most powerful part of this story is that I came to see all of this through someone I once judged for not being like me. The discomfort pushed me to reach out for help. I reconnected with them, and for the first time, I was truly available to listen – to hear their words and reflect on their perspective. Slowly, the judgement dissolved. What replace it was a wake-up call. I could finally see the elephant in the room – the true cause of my discomfort. I connected the dots – it was my attempt to earn love, to prove that I was “better than”.
It was my choice, and it gifted me with precious moments, valuable lessons, transformational growth, and so much more. I don’t regret it – I’ve simply outgrown it. With this the new level of awareness, I can now make a different choice. One that aligns with who I am today. I choose to put the weight down. It’s deeply personal and one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make. But it’s not up to me. It’s not my responsibility to keep others at peace at the cost of my own. It’s time to choose me.
Is it the right choice? Most certainly it is.
This feels like a turning point in my life. I’m still learning now to navigate this challenging times. I’m figuring out how to calm my nervous system, sit with my feelings, listen to my intuition, ask for help, and continue choosing myself. I am being asked to trust life and surrender to its greater force. It’s a journey and certainly it’s not an easy one to walk. But a new version of me is emerging – and I am here for it.
This is what choosing yourself can look like—quiet, uncomfortable, and deeply freeing.
You can outgrow what once kept you safe
