One of the things I am most passionate about in my healing journey is knowing that I am not only healing myself, but also the generations before me – and most importantly, I’m healing my son.
It hurts to see how the same unconscious prison drives different aspects of our lives. It’s the root of unhealthy relationships and feelings of fear, lack and inadequacy. It creates so much suffering and dis-ease. While it may be too late to free my Granny this time around, the thought of freeing my son fills me with love and joy.
“When you don’t teach your kids, they learn by watching you. When you teach your kids, they learn by watching you” – Amit
The most precious title I carry is mother. My son is my greatest teacher – just as I am his. I can clearly see how he was watching me when I wasn’t aware and how he picked up my conditions and beliefs. I notice in him behaviours rooted in limitations similar to mine. And while this brings heaps of unconditional love not just for him but for my younger self too, it also comes with the responsibility to look within and change my own narratives.
There’s always that strong desire to tell him what to do, to try to guide his life through my own experiences. But now, I know that he’s watching me far more than listening to me. So, what do I do? I choose to unlearn old behaviours so that I can become his greatest inspiration. Because people don’t change when you want them to – they change when they want and are ready.
“So how do you do that?” – I hear you’re asking. It all start with awareness – is my answer. Because you can only change what you can see.
I pay attention to what upsets me, what I resist, where I feel stuck. I notice my thoughts and emotions. When I see my son’s beliefs, limitations and actions, I ask myself “How did he learn them? Are they mine too?”
I look at the people I meet and the circumstances in my life as opportunities to grow. My triggers are my teachers. Whether it’s someone’s behaviour or an unexpected challenge, I try to meet it with curiosity and ask: “What’s in this for me?”.
I notice where I play small, where I shrink to fit others’ expectations. Where do I hide? Why am I afraid to voice my opinion? Because what others say or do is a reflection of their limitations – but how I receive it shows me the part of me that needs more love and acceptance.
I’m learning to set boundaries. To be kind, but to include myself. To pause before I say “yes”. To fill my own cup before I pour into someone else’s. To honour my energy and peace. Because there’s nobody to please and nothing to earn – all’s within.
I practice surrender. It is not about giving up, but flowing with life. Control creates stress and dis-ease. It reveals my fears and limitations. So I remind myself to soften and release the grip, and to trust that my life has been orchestrated in the most beautiful way – to help me grow into a bigger and better human.
I share my struggles with him so he knows I don’t have all the answers. Being older doesn’t mean I’ve figured everything out. Showing vulnerability is my invitation to him to be vulnerable too and to come to me when he’s having a tough time. I’m not perfect and that makes me relatable.
I say sorry when I’ve misunderstood or unconsciously hurt him. I’m not always right and I’m ok admitting it. I make mistakes too. Saying sorry doesn’t lessen his respect for me. It shows him that I accept my humanity and take responsibilities for my words and actions.
I’m learning to love myself the way I want to be loved. To nourish my body and soul. To accept my humanity and my flaws. To embody the energy of the kind of human I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Because after all, we are both a masterpieces and a work in progress at the very same time.
